Saturday, April 23, 2011


Failure a word that I feel describes me best.  I get an idea, passion, dream and go full steam ahead only to fail.  Sometimes it's small screw-ups, other times it is major.  I often feel like I can't do anything right.  At this point I ask why, why even bother if all you are going to do is fail.  You would think that trying to do the right thing would be easy - at least in your head it is - no resistance there.  Rich people have it made.  They can have all of the medical tests necessary to make sure their body is working as it should, afford healthy, organic food and have someone cook it up for them.  All they have to do is open their mouths and put the food in.  I on the other hand have to plan ahead, drag a toddler to the store, get yelled at because I go over budget, make a mess of the meal (that looked perfect in my head).  Make a mess of the kitchen - for which I get "yelled" at.  Dinner is usually late.  My son is, therefore, often over-tired, grumpy and doesn't like what I attempted to make.  Microwavable dinners sound good - cheap, easy and most likely liked/ate by everyone.  So what if there is no nutritional value.  So what if you look and feel like an elephant.  I do now and I'm used to it.  Not fitting in my clothes, getting on the scale 10lbs heavier.  feeling alone, unloved, undesired.  As long as food tastes good adn I do what I want during the day that should be all that matters.  It's not though.  I hate who I am - consumed so much by me that I forget others.  If I'm going to give Skyler the best possible start in life it starts with nourishing his body, mind and soul with healthy "nutrition".  And to do that I must portray that in my life for monkey see, monkey do!!!


  1. Aw Wen! Beside you all the way - this time there will be success and it will be so worth it! xx

  2. I hope it will be a success because I agree it will be worth it

  3. You're not a failure. I know exactly what you mean by having big ideas and dreams and then not actually reaching them, which makes you feel like you've failed. Even more so when those goals seem like they should be more attainable - such as putting a nutritious meal on the table for the family.

    Don't beat yourself up about it, though. We can all get overwhelmed when we look at ALL the things that we've got to do and can't keep up with (I have often wondered how you can keep up with your work schedule let alone looking after Skyler as well!).

    However, not reaching some of your goals doesn't make you a failure. If you give up and don't do anything about it, then maybe so. Struggling to get through is a different thing, though, and it's something that, with God's help, you can overcome. Just take it one step at a time. Trying to suddenly switch into reaching all your goals at once may be unrealistic, but changing one or two things at a time will be more manageable and, therefore attainable.

    Anyway, all that to encourage you to stay encouraged - you're not alone and God gives us the strength we need to get up again each time we fall.

    Love you lots!