Saturday, April 23, 2011
Failure a word that I feel describes me best. I get an idea, passion, dream and go full steam ahead only to fail. Sometimes it's small screw-ups, other times it is major. I often feel like I can't do anything right. At this point I ask why, why even bother if all you are going to do is fail. You would think that trying to do the right thing would be easy - at least in your head it is - no resistance there. Rich people have it made. They can have all of the medical tests necessary to make sure their body is working as it should, afford healthy, organic food and have someone cook it up for them. All they have to do is open their mouths and put the food in. I on the other hand have to plan ahead, drag a toddler to the store, get yelled at because I go over budget, make a mess of the meal (that looked perfect in my head). Make a mess of the kitchen - for which I get "yelled" at. Dinner is usually late. My son is, therefore, often over-tired, grumpy and doesn't like what I attempted to make. Microwavable dinners sound good - cheap, easy and most likely liked/ate by everyone. So what if there is no nutritional value. So what if you look and feel like an elephant. I do now and I'm used to it. Not fitting in my clothes, getting on the scale 10lbs heavier. feeling alone, unloved, undesired. As long as food tastes good adn I do what I want during the day that should be all that matters. It's not though. I hate who I am - consumed so much by me that I forget others. If I'm going to give Skyler the best possible start in life it starts with nourishing his body, mind and soul with healthy "nutrition". And to do that I must portray that in my life for monkey see, monkey do!!!
Posted by Wen at 3:26 PM